Football Fantasia: Week 15 Recap

If you read fantasy football content such as this online, odds are you’re an obsessive degenerate that has sold out your family, friends, and job to gain the edge needed to still be participating in this fake competition. Congrats, winning loser! Here are some of the performances that mattered this week.

Sweet Music

Drew Brees threw for 300+ yards and 4 TDs, which is pretty okay. Andre Johnson (11 catches, 151 yards, 1 TD) is removing doubts about his elite status. Aaron Hernandez is loving life without Gronk, reaching three-week totals of 26 catches, 247 yards, and 3 TDs. Both Eric Decker (19 points) and Michael Crabtree (22) came through for roughly 50% of owners that rolled with them. Russell Wilson (39) really did wonders, but likely on your bench (10% start rate).

And then there was Adrian Peterson. He’s going to break the total rushing yardage record. His knee was absolutely shredded last December 24^th. Less than 9 months later, he was the third-highest RB scorer in week 1, and has topped the leader board all year. This, despite having Minnesota’s 32^nd ranked pass offense (not) taking the attention away from him. He ran for 212 yards and a touchdown on Sunday, less than a year removed from shredding his knee. He is going to break the rushing record, one year and six days after shredding his knee. Adrian. Peterson.

Nutcrackers

Wow, did some dudes come up small this week.
Tampa Bay generated 11 points combined from Josh Freeman, Vincent Jackson, and Doug Martin, while Eli Manning, Hakeem Nicks, and Victor Cruz leaked out 7 total points for the G-Men. Jamaal Charles had 2 points against a pathetic run defense, and the stench of week 15 includes the odors of Matthew Stafford (3), Ray Rice (3), Demaryius Thomas (1), Reggie Wayne (1), Roddy White (1), and Stevan Ridley (zip).

Prophesy

Monday Night Football

Chris Johnson and the Titans’ raggedy offensive line blow up the tarnished Jets defense for 150+ total yards and a score. All other Titans and Jets skill players remain irrelevant to the magical world of fantasy football.

You will regret not dropping or benching one of these guys:

Larry Fitzgerald. This is sad. We can only hope he is rewarded with ten quarterbacks that can throw him fountains of catchable balls in heaven.

Kyle Rudolph. If one of his donuts hasn’t sunk you yet, do you want it to when everything’s on the line?

LeSean McCoy. He still hasn’t recovered from a concussion in week 11, and the nothing-to-play-for Eagles won’t bring him back for any meaningful playing time.

For one of these:

Rod Streater. Guzzling up targets of late.

Knowshon Moreno. Proving just how stubborn irrational coaches can be. When he has played, he has always been great. But he has spent many weeks in the doghouse while the coach’s pets fall forward for two yards at a time.

Beanie Wells. Sorry for the tasteless joke. Do not pick him up after his fluke touchdowns this week. I repeat: DO NOT PICK UP BEANIE WELLS.

By Cray Allred. All points figured with ESPN standard scoring.