All I Want for Christmas

from IMDB

After receiving a giant bag of pistachios from my mother-in-law, I'm almost set for this year. The only Christmas wish I have left is for a family-friendly version of A Hobo's Christmas to be released. You see, I watch a lot of terrible movies. The kind of stuff that has no reservations at the library. But Christian reviewers over at The Dove Foundation don't give this schmaltzy-looking flick their family seal of approval. Their notes:

Language: D*mn You-1Violence: Men yelling at each other.Drugs: Beer in soup.Nudity: Man in long johns.Other: Discussion regarding death of man's wife; loss of job and leaving family behind.

Obviously, my powers of discernment prohibit me from viewing it (no way is my wife seeing another man in long johns). If only a legally or illegally censored version would hit the shelves a quarter century post-release, my family would be able to safely view a predictable tale of homelessness and forgiveness this holiday season. I'm not asking to win the War on Christmas, just this one battle–please pray.